Yeah. I mean, I don't want you to think I was doing it just because, or - that there wasn't a reason. First off, he, um... He was an addict.
[That's probably the best place to start, even if she's taking a breath as soon as she says it.]
It meant that things were... really bad, a lot of the time while I was growing up. And one day, when I was 12, I was the only one home, and... I went into the basement because I wanted to play a game, and I found him just - laying there. You know, with a needle in his arm, unconscious. But he made it past that, and for a while, we all really thought... It was going to be okay. That he was going to get better. But, sure enough, he started using again, and then he just - left us after he relapsed. And, I decided that to me, he was dead. That he'd died in that room.
[She has to pause and breath in and out to keep her voice even mostly level, but she follows it up with:]
But I shouldn't have told he was literally dead. It's just - easier to think that, which isn't an excuse.
cw drug abuse, addiction
[That's probably the best place to start, even if she's taking a breath as soon as she says it.]
It meant that things were... really bad, a lot of the time while I was growing up. And one day, when I was 12, I was the only one home, and... I went into the basement because I wanted to play a game, and I found him just - laying there. You know, with a needle in his arm, unconscious. But he made it past that, and for a while, we all really thought... It was going to be okay. That he was going to get better. But, sure enough, he started using again, and then he just - left us after he relapsed. And, I decided that to me, he was dead. That he'd died in that room.
[She has to pause and breath in and out to keep her voice even mostly level, but she follows it up with:]
But I shouldn't have told he was literally dead. It's just - easier to think that, which isn't an excuse.