No, it's...[God. Explaining it somehow feels a little more exhausting.] When I first got it, it felt like...I don't know, a sign that I was really screwing things up here. The only way to get anywhere is to sleep with people, earn tokens, and find the demons that're out there. But it still feels like I'm forgetting about her or something when I do that, or when I'm enjoying it or whatever. I think about her every day and wonder what she'd think if she knew have of the things I've done here.

[But...] But on the other hand, it reminds me why I'm doing this in the first place. Carlos and I have to get back to her. Not doing anything is almost worse than what I've been doing.

So I guess what I'm saying is...don't worry about it. I think I'm okay with it.