[A puff of laughter, but it fades fast.] Carlos didn't expect it either.
[...] Akane is...a very complex person who sacrifices a lot for what she believes she has to do. [...he wanted to try and explain, but no, talking about Akane is still a strange subject.] I love her. I'll do whatever it takes to keep her safe and stay at her side. But there are also parts of her I hate for what she's done.
[And then, to re-quote himself:] Like I said. Learning that a person you loved and cared about isn't the person that you thought they were is probably one of the worst things to deal with because you still want to love and care about them, but you can't really be sure if you're loving the real thing or not.
[He doesn't reply. He can't even really figure out words because explaining the Nonary Game and the morphogenetic field and the way Akane orchestrated so much and the year after that is...exhausting. His entire expression drops into something that can really only be described as sad and a little angry before he shakes his head. Even thinking about it, it comes to the same thing: there are some things that will hurt for a long time, but unconditional love is a really, really strong thing.
It's why, in a way, he still feels he has to protect this girl who isn't even here. Keep her safe. Keep her secrets.]
...Okay, but the thing is, you’ve kind of said a lot about it. So - we don’t have to talk about it, but I don’t exactly have a good idea of where the line is. Do you want me to just not ask?
I don't know. A lot happened last year after I saw her again and a lot happened after I lost her again when she ditched us in Nevada.
[He rolls over onto his back to look at the ceiling.] ...Carlos, Akane and I played the Decision game before Carlos and I woke up here. We were locked in a bomb shelter and had to find a way out. But that wasn't the first time I played a game like that. Akane was there, too.
...I don't want to sound like I don't care, because I do, but - not really? I mean, you said you couldn't talk about it, but now you're talking about it more. I don't know if you want me to change the subject or ask more, or...
[He's not offended or anything but he's a little lost and decides maybe he's really not in a position to do this right now.]
...no, it's not...you're doing fine. [An awkward laugh follows, low and unsure.] I feel like such an asshole for doing this, but I think I need to go for a while.
[For even more conflicting messages, he just...squeezes her shoulder before he gets out of bed, wordlessly getting dressed relatively quickly and slipping out the door.]
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uncurtained) wrote2019-10-04 08:24 am
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It's complicated.
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Okay, but how?
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...Okay. Never mind.
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...I didn't lie to you before. When I said I've never dated.
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[...] Akane is...a very complex person who sacrifices a lot for what she believes she has to do. [...he wanted to try and explain, but no, talking about Akane is still a strange subject.] I love her. I'll do whatever it takes to keep her safe and stay at her side. But there are also parts of her I hate for what she's done.
[And then, to re-quote himself:] Like I said. Learning that a person you loved and cared about isn't the person that you thought they were is probably one of the worst things to deal with because you still want to love and care about them, but you can't really be sure if you're loving the real thing or not.
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What did she do?
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It's why, in a way, he still feels he has to protect this girl who isn't even here. Keep her safe. Keep her secrets.]
I can't talk about this right now.
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[He rolls over onto his back to look at the ceiling.] ...Carlos, Akane and I played the Decision game before Carlos and I woke up here. We were locked in a bomb shelter and had to find a way out. But that wasn't the first time I played a game like that. Akane was there, too.
Does that help?
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[She doesn't sound upset as much as confused.]
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...no, it's not...you're doing fine. [An awkward laugh follows, low and unsure.] I feel like such an asshole for doing this, but I think I need to go for a while.
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[She's doing her best not to sound hurt, and it's at least mostly successful.]
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