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[oops guess who else definitely didn't forget that,]
Cheers, cheers- [TOASTING AN INVISIBLE CUP.] And more's the better to our fortune in the future!
Cheers, cheers- [TOASTING AN INVISIBLE CUP.] And more's the better to our fortune in the future!
Ah, yes, 27... So close to the cold, hard grave...
[She’s just going along with it.]
[She’s just going along with it.]
[He very
very briefly considers telling her he's actually like 35, but considering how she reacted the last time he mentioned he was dead, he decides against it. THAT'S PROBABLY A JOKE THAT WOULD TURN THIS CONVERSATION SOUTH.]
I know! I've made my bed in it already, just in case my hip pops out of place and I can't stand properly anymore. Could happen any day, you know?
very briefly considers telling her he's actually like 35, but considering how she reacted the last time he mentioned he was dead, he decides against it. THAT'S PROBABLY A JOKE THAT WOULD TURN THIS CONVERSATION SOUTH.]
I know! I've made my bed in it already, just in case my hip pops out of place and I can't stand properly anymore. Could happen any day, you know?
Well, lucky for you, I’ll be here for all your hip popping needs.
[that
may have come out wrong.]
[that
may have come out wrong.]
[That absolutely came out wrong, but he's just going to be merciful since they all need a little mercy right now.]
Thank god! I can pop my hip out of socket any time I want, now!
[WHY WOULD HE WANT TO.]
Thank god! I can pop my hip out of socket any time I want, now!
[WHY WOULD HE WANT TO.]
[She laughs.]
Just keep in mind I charge per incident.
Just keep in mind I charge per incident.
Hah - fair, I suppose! Do I at least get a roommate discount?
[WHAT IS SHE EVEN CHARGING IN, DICK CHIPS??]
[WHAT IS SHE EVEN CHARGING IN, DICK CHIPS??]
I'm open to bargaining. Maybe five percent?
[cruel]
[cruel]
Only five percent?!
[THROWING A HAND AGAINST HIS FOREHEAD. His fragile constitution... can't tolerate this...]
Terrible! Even the cheapest of vendors are willing to give better deals than that to strangers!
[THROWING A HAND AGAINST HIS FOREHEAD. His fragile constitution... can't tolerate this...]
Terrible! Even the cheapest of vendors are willing to give better deals than that to strangers!
[Solemnly (despite the growing smile:)]
Everyone has to make a living somehow.
Everyone has to make a living somehow.
[Just HEAVING A BIG OL' SIGH, ever the foolass ham.]
There's making a living, and then there's robbery! Guess which side of the line you fall on!
There's making a living, and then there's robbery! Guess which side of the line you fall on!
Oh no... My honor besmirched... How will I go on?
[It seems like she's following his overdramatic example, because she's definitely falling backwards onto the bed as she says that, sighing deeply.]
[It seems like she's following his overdramatic example, because she's definitely falling backwards onto the bed as she says that, sighing deeply.]
[GOODBYE BECK. He just POINTS AT HER with dramatic accusation, since this whole damn room is just a hammy stage now, apparently.]
You won't! I'll have you run out of this town for being the worst possible merchant chiropractor thief in the night that we've seen this side of the sea!
You won't! I'll have you run out of this town for being the worst possible merchant chiropractor thief in the night that we've seen this side of the sea!
No, my livelihood... Think of the children...
[WHAT CHILDREN]
[WHAT CHILDREN]
Now you're dragging the children into this—!! Do your shameful tactics know no bounds?!
[WHAT CHILDREN]
[WHAT CHILDREN]
They'll starve without your patronage.
[She says, definitely not stifling a laugh at all.]
[She says, definitely not stifling a laugh at all.]
I can't believe I'm seeing this cruel side of you for the first time over needing to have my old man hip bones put back into place... Terrible! I can't bear it!
[He just
dramatically collapses to the floor.]
[He just
dramatically collapses to the floor.]
[Helpfully, from where she's sprawled out on the bed:]
Careful. You might throw your hip out.
Careful. You might throw your hip out.
[A single hand sticks up over the side of the bed like a ZOMBIE RISING FROM THE EARTH... and starts patting around in search, uselessly poofing the comforter.]
Oh? I might? Think twice! I already have! Haha, don't underestimate me.
[WHY.]
Oh? I might? Think twice! I already have! Haha, don't underestimate me.
[WHY.]
Wow. Your prowess at injuring yourself knows no equal.
[She's just watching his hand do its thing.]
[She's just watching his hand do its thing.]
[When he can't successfully locate her, he balls his hand into a fist and SHAKES IT like a cartoon villain.]
I know! I should be rewarded for my talents, but instead, I'm just cheated out of my money. Is that not the saddest thing?
I know! I should be rewarded for my talents, but instead, I'm just cheated out of my money. Is that not the saddest thing?
[She moves her arm enough that his hand can at least touch it. He gets a break this once, maybe.]
At least you have enough watermelons to cover all my fees.
At least you have enough watermelons to cover all my fees.
[SUCCESS. Once her arm is within reach, he'll move his hand over and pat it a few times.]
Oh! Well. If I could pay in watermelons from the start, you should have mentioned it! That's fine, then - I won't take action against your fine establishment.
Oh! Well. If I could pay in watermelons from the start, you should have mentioned it! That's fine, then - I won't take action against your fine establishment.
Well, yeah. That's how we operate, isn't it?
[She says, as though this is an accepted part of Watermelon Sect Lore.]
[She says, as though this is an accepted part of Watermelon Sect Lore.]
[IT IS NOW. They just make up the lore as they go.]
Of course! How else would we have remained strong for over four hundred years?
[It's... it's an old sect now... Old watermelon money.]
Of course! How else would we have remained strong for over four hundred years?
[It's... it's an old sect now... Old watermelon money.]
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