pc catchall for wei wuxian (givethemhell)

[uncurtained]

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[givethemhell]

[After a second of mock-serious thought:]

You know, you might be on to something there? We might all be farmers and none the wiser!

[uncurtained]

Maybe we were brought here because someone really wanted some watermelons. It's all becoming clear now.

[givethemhell]

[This is exactly how things like the Watermelon Sect happen, Beck!! People shitpost with him and it just keeps going!!]

I see...! A bit of a convoluted plan, but it does seem to have worked quite well for them. I almost feel like I should be impressed?

[As he gracefully shoves another handful of chippies into his dumbass mouth.]

[uncurtained]

They could have just asked if they had a craving. I bet I could find them on a good sale.

[givethemhell]

Really? Lucky! You should take me with you the next time you go shopping for them, I can never find anyone who has decent melon sales!

[uncurtained]

I’ll put a Costco trip on our list, too, then.

[haha]

[givethemhell]

[Just giving her a curious look...]

Is that a famous melon shop?

[uncurtained]

[She shakes her head.]

No, it’s like... A really big supermarket where you can get things for cheap if you buy them in bulk.

[givethemhell]

Huh! I've never heard of anything like that... So you can get a lot of one thing and it's less expensive? Even if you're buying fresh potatoes that haven't sprouted yet?

[Ah yes, living the life of luxury...]

[uncurtained]

Yeah. They’ve got, like, huge bins of potatoes and a lot of other fruits and vegetables. I bet they’ve got that one you like, the one that grows by the river...?

[givethemhell]

Loquats?! [HOLY SHIT. COSTCO IS THE PROMISED LAND.] That's amazing! What a wonderful place! The first thing we need to do as a sect is go to Costco!

[uncurtained]

I will gladly chaperone this field trip.

[givethemhell]

[CLAPPING HIS HANDS TOGETHER in unabashed delight...]

Excellent! Then I'll promote you to chief officiator of Costco-related business!

[They now have... two sect leaders, one treasurer who only treasures the watermelon, and This.]

[uncurtained]

[She laughs as she sees his excitement, nodding along.]

My greatest dream, fulfilled.

[givethemhell]

It's a high post! Lots of responsibility! I can only leave it in the most capable of hands.

[Leaning over a bit to nudge her side with his elbow as if to say HAHA THAT'S YOU.]

[uncurtained]

It'll be worth it to introduce you all to free samples.

[Wait for it—]

And the huge paycheck, of course.

[givethemhell]

[A fat paycheck is surely all well and good yes BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY--]

Free samples? You can sample the wares?! What kind - any of them? Do they switch out what you can try? I need to see this for myself!

[uncurtained]

Not all of them, but they usually have something on every few aisles. I'm pretty sure they switch them out.

[It's like watching a kid in a candy store...]

[givethemhell]

[He's honestly amazed and delighted by all of this?? COSTCO, HIS NEW HOLY GRAIL.]

That's amazing...! We'll have to go every day to see what they have.

[uncurtained]

[She can't help but laugh a little.]

You sure you won't get sick of it?

[givethemhell]

Absolutely not! How could anyone ever get tired of free food?

[HE, PERSONALLY, CANNOT IMAGINE THIS.]

[uncurtained]

I feel like I should say that it's really, really small portions.

[Just so he isn't envisioning getting free meals.]

[givethemhell]

How small are we talking? Palm-sized? Half the size of a potato?

[Why is this his unit of measurement...]

[uncurtained]

It depends on the food you're sampling, but I think palm sized is the closer of those two options.

[givethemhell]

[HM... He looks down at his own palm judgmentally.]

...Not quite as generous as I'd hoped, but that's fine! If they have these "samples" everywhere throughout the store, it should be easy to collect enough to make a better meal, right?

[Can't believe he's already mastered the busy and underpaid employee level technique of Sampling Everything For A Free Lunch.]