[YEAH IT SURE WAS ALMOST SIX five get set out on the counter one by one and the sixth one slips out from between his little pinching demon fingers and splats unceremoniously onto the floor.]
—Oh. That egg was a bit slippery, haha.
[NO IT WASN'T. But he'll just reach down with his bare hands to scoop the egg guts and shell bits up and go carry it over to the trash can like a fool.]
He's also taking another drink though because she did and it's monkey see monkey do in this stupid kitchen.]
—Sure! You can leave it to me - I'll bring honor to our sect!
[He has no idea what he's doing. He just sticks the cup into their bag of flour and d-- wait where's their mixing bowl?? HE'S JUST STANDING HERE WITH A CUP OF FLOUR STARING AT THE COUNTER. If they actually did get one out and he's just looking at the wrong place, all the better, honestly.]
[She gently reaches out for the hand that's holding the cup, guiding it to the bowl with all the eggs and turning it over so all the flour in the cup pours in. Now it's full of five eggs and probably too little flour for that many eggs.]
[HE'S DUMPING IN THREE CUPS OF VANILLA WHICH IS PROBABLY MORE THAN WHAT'S IN A VANILLA EXTRACT BOTTLE SO REALLY HE'S JUST POURING IN THE WHOLE BOTTLE.]
Alright, alright! We've got the eggs and vanilla! Anything else?!
[She just takes a fucking handful and shovels them in like the gremlin she truly is inside. With her mouth so full it's unclear whether he'll even be able to understand her:]
[He says, having no idea what she actually said. After popping a few more into his mouth he just... starts backing away from the counter and bowl and Beck with the bag still in his hands.]
Eat those and then try to catch some! Like the coffee beans, but better!
[Apparently he either doesn't notice or doesn't deem it to be an actual thing that could possibly hinder her catching something in her mouth BECAUSE HE'S JUST CHUCKING A HANDFUL.]
[The ones that don't sail to the ground immediately are absolutely hitting her in the face and shoulders. It's fine, because she's reaching up to grab them before they fall to the ground and
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—Oh. That egg was a bit slippery, haha.
[NO IT WASN'T. But he'll just reach down with his bare hands to scoop the egg guts and shell bits up and go carry it over to the trash can like a fool.]
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[She makes no move to get a napkin. She does, however, stare down at the baking supplies for a moment with a small frown.]
Did we get cup measures?
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[He says, just leaving the rest of the egg leftovers on the... floor...
He's also leaving before he hears "measures" and coming back with some cups. Just regular-ass cups.]
Anything else?
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She takes another drink.]
No, I think that's fiiiine. You wanna do the honors?
[with
with what part]
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He's also taking another drink though because she did and it's monkey see monkey do in this stupid kitchen.]
—Sure! You can leave it to me - I'll bring honor to our sect!
[He has no idea what he's doing. He just sticks the cup into their bag of flour and d-- wait where's their mixing bowl?? HE'S JUST STANDING HERE WITH A CUP OF FLOUR STARING AT THE COUNTER. If they actually did get one out and he's just looking at the wrong place, all the better, honestly.]
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Nailed it.
[She says, laughing for no apparent reason.]
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It's looking great already! We're making good time.
[They're on a time limit??]
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[JUST IMMEDIATELY ADOPTS THIS INCORRECT IDEA]
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...Five minutes!!
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[just starts yelling out ingredients like she’s gordon ramsay]
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Good, all done! What next, what next?!
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[she definitely forgot the five eggs that are now buried under an inappropriate amount of dry ingredients]
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So he cracks like. Three more in there.]
How many cups of vanilla?!
[AT LEAST SHE CAN POTENTIALLY SAVE THIS PART.]
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[nO]
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Alright, alright! We've got the eggs and vanilla! Anything else?!
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[she just takes another swig of tequila as i continue to cry]
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[He immediately forgets about the butter and goes for the chocolate chips first!!
And just opens the bag and starts digging into them.]
—Mm, these are good. Have some! Here!
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[She just takes a fucking handful and shovels them in like the gremlin she truly is inside. With her mouth so full it's unclear whether he'll even be able to understand her:]
Best idea ever.
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[He says, having no idea what she actually said. After popping a few more into his mouth he just... starts backing away from the counter and bowl and Beck with the bag still in his hands.]
Eat those and then try to catch some! Like the coffee beans, but better!
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Yes! Throw one!
[Her
her mouth is still full.]
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[Apparently he either doesn't notice or doesn't deem it to be an actual thing that could possibly hinder her catching something in her mouth BECAUSE HE'S JUST CHUCKING A HANDFUL.]
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is also shoving them into her mouth.]
Thank yooooou.
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[HALF THE CHIPS ARE ON THE FLOOR and he steps on a few of them as he suddenly remembers he was supposed to get butter, too.
He just stares at the stick.]
...Dare me to take a bite?
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Which is why, relatively quickly:]
Do it.
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His reaction is basically this, except settling eventually on disgust.]
--Nhgh...
[HE'S JUST GOT A MOUTH FULL OF BUTTER. HE LOOKS AT HER AND HIS EXPRESSION SAYS "WHAT DO I DO NOW, AND ALSO, WHAT HAVE I DONE".]
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