uncurtained | pc catchall for wei wuxian (givethemhell)

[Lightly, almost teasing:]

Well, I hadn't heard of it before today... Let's say I'm considering it. Give me your best membership pitch.

My best membership speech...? Absolutely! You'll be the first one I've given a speech to, since Grune handled everything else!

[Somehow, her recruitment tactics were like. Horrifically effective.

He shifts where he sits to face her a little better, arms and hands moving animatedly as he talks, as usual.]

How's this! If you join, you'll have access to our best feature - group melon eating! It's exactly as it sounds. You get to eat melons, but with friends! That way you don't have to round everyone up on your own if you want to start a seed-spitting contest. Food always tastes better with more people, too! And you'll have a spot on our farm, once we actually have a farm. It'll be big and lovely! We'll fit all the melons we could ever eat there! We can harvest the sweetest ones for dessert every night and roll the fattest one down a hillside for fun.

You're going to roll the biggest one down a hill? Well, that's just poor business management. Offer declined, no watermelons for me.

[She can't quite make it through without laughing.]

[He just GASPS IN MOCK HORROR, placing a hand against his chest like he's about to have a damn heart attack.]

No...! It can't be—! The first rejection and it goes directly to me! I'll never be able to face Grune again. I'm going into seclusion right now.

[As he just

proceeds to not move, except to fish a bag of chips out from one of the couch cushions. At least it's unopened.]

[...]

I may be willing to reconsider if you're sharing those chips.

[Pulling the bag open and holding it out for her!]

Lucky for you, I can afford to be extra generous before I become a mountain hermit!

[Again.]

Tragic.

[She takes one, popping it in her mouth.]

Hm... These are pretty good. Maybe I'll join the Tostitos sect instead.

[betrayal]

[WHY DOES HE CONTINUE BEING HIT BY THESE BETRAYALS.]

After the generosity I've shown!? The worst! Terrible! I've never been so crushed in all my life...!

[Spoken as though she's giving him a great compromise, here:]

Okay, okay, I'll join. My only terms are getting to share your drinks.

[The ones he already gets for free. Such a high price!!]

[There's a long, drawn out "HMMM..." as he gives this some Very Serious Consideration...

And finally sticks his free hand out toward her.]

Very well! I find those terms amenable. You have yourself a deal!

[With a laugh, she reaches out to shake his hand.]

I look forward to our partnership, good sir.

[Now she's made a deal with the devil. CONGRATS, BECK.]

Wonderful! The sect will be more than happy to have you on board. We don't have matching outfits for everyone just yet, but we do have plenty of melons leftover!

This doesn't seem like the kind of place where you can easily mass produce uniforms.

[But she'll look forward to the watermelons.]

Perhaps we'll get fortunate and that's what they'll have behind one of these locked doors! A room full of uniforms just for us.

[Terrible.]

[She laughs, brushing a hair back.]

Wow, you figured out the mystery of this place. They were just waiting for the watermelon sect to arrive.

Good thing we've arrived, in that case! We'll be able to arrange a great toast. Ah, maybe we'll find our farm, too?

[There's just a wholeass farm locked away on this ship.]

First we thought it was a hotel, now we think it's a boat, next we'll discover it's actually a farm... The mystery continues.

[After a second of mock-serious thought:]

You know, you might be on to something there? We might all be farmers and none the wiser!

Maybe we were brought here because someone really wanted some watermelons. It's all becoming clear now.

[This is exactly how things like the Watermelon Sect happen, Beck!! People shitpost with him and it just keeps going!!]

I see...! A bit of a convoluted plan, but it does seem to have worked quite well for them. I almost feel like I should be impressed?

[As he gracefully shoves another handful of chippies into his dumbass mouth.]

They could have just asked if they had a craving. I bet I could find them on a good sale.

Really? Lucky! You should take me with you the next time you go shopping for them, I can never find anyone who has decent melon sales!

I’ll put a Costco trip on our list, too, then.

[haha]

[Just giving her a curious look...]

Is that a famous melon shop?

[She shakes her head.]

No, it’s like... A really big supermarket where you can get things for cheap if you buy them in bulk.

pc catchall for wei wuxian (givethemhell)

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