pc catchall for wei wuxian (givethemhell)

[uncurtained]

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[givethemhell]

I'm sure, I'm sure - don't fret over it! I'm still here, aren't I?

[In like. A different body BUT HEY at least the snurtle wasn't responsible for him having to ditch the first one!

Also, his answer is disgustingly immediate:]

I know of at least one! [His shijie...] But you're right, generally speaking. Pick someone who's more bearable when they aren't being sweet, then!

[uncurtained]

[She exhales, an amused sound, even as she shakes her head.]

If only it was as easy as picking someone, right?

[givethemhell]

Hah - well, not like anyone could say anything but "yes, it would be" to that, you know?

[Sometimes you just get unlucky and fall for jerks though, hm.]

[uncurtained]

[There's something in her expression for a moment, like she's thinking of saying something... But then she gives him a smile.]

What about you? Do you have anyone like that back home? [...] Not someone like him, I mean, but - someone special to you.

[givethemhell]

[GLAD SHE CLARIFIED. He laughs a little, because he immediately thinks of Lan Zhan for some reason but! Haha! That's so silly!]

No, no - not in that way. I was very busy and have been for quite some time! When there are so many things that you have to tend to, it's all you can do just to stay on top of it.

[No time to date when you're inventing demonic cultivation in a cave!]

[uncurtained]

Well, I hope that changes for you soon. You deserve to be with someone great, too.

[givethemhell]

[The gay thoughts can't catch him now, he's living in their cupboard.]

Haha, that's kind of you! [HE'S STILL A PARIAH but hey it's the thought that counts.] I'd always hoped when I was young that I'd be able to get married to someone nice, raise a family, live on a farm... Well, at least I got the farm, haha!

[AND A KID THAT WASN'T HIS BUT HE RAISED HIM ANYWAY.]

[uncurtained]

[She shoves at his shoulder lightly with a little laugh.]

You don't have to say it like it's too late, you know.

[givethemhell]

[He just dramatically places a hand against his chest, and raises the other to place the back of his hand against his forehead... This fuckin drama queen.]

It is, though! I'm already well past my prime - I'm an old man! Wrinkled and tired, with a bent back and sore knees any time I get up out of bed in the morning...! It's far too late for me to find anyone who would settle down with such a crusty fool.

[uncurtained]

Ah, yes, 27... So close to the cold, hard grave...

[She’s just going along with it.]

[givethemhell]

[He very

very briefly considers telling her he's actually like 35, but considering how she reacted the last time he mentioned he was dead, he decides against it. THAT'S PROBABLY A JOKE THAT WOULD TURN THIS CONVERSATION SOUTH.]

I know! I've made my bed in it already, just in case my hip pops out of place and I can't stand properly anymore. Could happen any day, you know?

[uncurtained]

Well, lucky for you, I’ll be here for all your hip popping needs.

[that

may have come out wrong.]

[givethemhell]

[That absolutely came out wrong, but he's just going to be merciful since they all need a little mercy right now.]

Thank god! I can pop my hip out of socket any time I want, now!

[WHY WOULD HE WANT TO.]

[uncurtained]

[She laughs.]

Just keep in mind I charge per incident.

[givethemhell]

Hah - fair, I suppose! Do I at least get a roommate discount?

[WHAT IS SHE EVEN CHARGING IN, DICK CHIPS??]

[uncurtained]

I'm open to bargaining. Maybe five percent?

[cruel]

[givethemhell]

Only five percent?!

[THROWING A HAND AGAINST HIS FOREHEAD. His fragile constitution... can't tolerate this...]

Terrible! Even the cheapest of vendors are willing to give better deals than that to strangers!

[uncurtained]

[Solemnly (despite the growing smile:)]

Everyone has to make a living somehow.

[givethemhell]

[Just HEAVING A BIG OL' SIGH, ever the foolass ham.]

There's making a living, and then there's robbery! Guess which side of the line you fall on!

[uncurtained]

Oh no... My honor besmirched... How will I go on?

[It seems like she's following his overdramatic example, because she's definitely falling backwards onto the bed as she says that, sighing deeply.]

[givethemhell]

[GOODBYE BECK. He just POINTS AT HER with dramatic accusation, since this whole damn room is just a hammy stage now, apparently.]

You won't! I'll have you run out of this town for being the worst possible merchant chiropractor thief in the night that we've seen this side of the sea!

[uncurtained]

No, my livelihood... Think of the children...

[WHAT CHILDREN]

[givethemhell]

Now you're dragging the children into this—!! Do your shameful tactics know no bounds?!

[WHAT CHILDREN]

[uncurtained]

They'll starve without your patronage.

[She says, definitely not stifling a laugh at all.]

[givethemhell]

I can't believe I'm seeing this cruel side of you for the first time over needing to have my old man hip bones put back into place... Terrible! I can't bear it!

[He just

dramatically collapses to the floor.]