pc catchall for wei wuxian (givethemhell)

[uncurtained]

Comments

[givethemhell]

Oh, they're wonderful! You have to peel the outside bit off first, but the seed inside is nice and almost sweet. Very mild flavor - lovely and soft! I could eat a hundred of them in one sitting, without a doubt. [HE'S GETTING SO SIDETRACKED.]

Anyway-- Haha, well! I'm sure anyone who's ever met a teenager could guess where this is going. Private property with tons of lotuses, a bunch of hungry kids who want a nice snack... Needless to say, we made quite a bad habit of inviting ourselves into all of the nearby lakes to pick our fill! But one day, someone who was particularly upset with our thievery decided to set a horrible trap. Want to take a guess at what it was?

[uncurtained]

[She listens carefully, the smile staying on her face, until he gets to the question at the end. After a moment, she tilts her head slightly.]

What'd they do?

[givethemhell]

They had already harvested all of the lotus pods - but listen to this! They took the time to put them back after the seeds were plucked from them! Stalks jammed right back into the mud! Imagine our surprise as we started rowing through them, only for stalks to start coming loose and floating to the surface. We scooped a few out and it was all the same - empty! Not a seed in sight! To be honest, the entire lake seemed like it had been cursed or something and we rowed our boat out of there as fast as we could before we figured out what happened, haha.

[Honestly they deserved so much worse.]

Sometimes the lake owners would be out there and we'd get chased off personally, but that didn't happen quite as often.

[uncurtained]

...I have to almost respect that level of hard work.

[Just to mess with unruly teenagers.]

[givethemhell]

[Sometimes old people are really out there being that wild.]

Right? I'm sure they worked more that day than any others before it! I hope they felt it was worth the effort at the end. It didn't stop us from coming back, so maybe not...

[uncurtained]

It’s not like it was your fault all the lakes were private. You were bored.

[givethemhell]

Bored and hungry. A terrible combination! Anyway, I really have to get you some lotus seeds to try sometime, too.

[IMPORTANT THINGS: Loquats, lotus seeds, costco.]

Anyway! Let's hear your story, now!

[uncurtained]

I'd like that.

[She pauses to think about it for a second, before she smiles.]

Okay, so - do you know what college is?

[givethemhell]

Not the faintest!

[Don't say it so proudly... But he'll tilt his head forward a little, gesturing for her to explain. Enlighten him on the vast woes of higher education!]

[uncurtained]

It's basically like - a place you go to learn about something specialized. Like, I went to learn about how to write poetry and fiction, basically... But you can learn about pretty much anything you want. Science, math, things like that.

[givethemhell]

Oh! Ah, yes - I see! We have things like that where I come from, they just go by different names.

[Ancient China being out here on the cutting edge.]

[uncurtained]

Did you ever have parties while you were there? Because that's what this story is about.

[givethemhell]

Well! We weren't supposed to, but that didn't stop us.

[Some things... truly never change.]

[uncurtained]

I guess some things never change, no matter how far apart we were.

[She doesn't laugh, but she at least looks amused for a moment.]

Have I ever told you about Peach? She's my best friend.

[givethemhell]

Haha, right? It's kind of comforting.

[But he'll shake his head at that! The fuck kinda name is peach, damn.]

You haven't! Guessing this particular party story involves her?

[uncurtained]

Yeah. It wasn't the first time we met, but it was when we first got kind of close, you know?

[...]

Also, um - now that I'm thinking about it, it's kind of gross...?

[hm]

[givethemhell]

[She is talking to a man with terrible kinks who sticks his nose into dead people's mouths without blinking and sleeps in a pile of dirty laundry on the floor.]

That's fine! Some of the best stories are a little gross.

[uncurtained]

Okay, so... I was at one of these parties. Everyone was drinking a lot, you know? And - I know they had food, but I don't remember what it was exactly. It might have been queso, but it wasn't good.

[She laughs.]

So I was talking to this guy, when this girl I barely knew at the time runs up to me, right? It was Peach, and she's like... You have to help me, I don't know where the bathroom is. This party was in, like, a huge house, and she couldn't find one.

[givethemhell]

[He has no idea what queso is so he can't predict the true horror of what may be coming, but bad food and drinking is synonymous across all space and time, anyway... He's automatically making a sympathetic face.]

Oh, dear... So you had to go help her, then? Did you find the bathroom?

[uncurtained]

We didn't...

[Which is never the answer you want to hear to the question "did you find the bathroom".]

After, like, the second time we almost walked in on people sleeping together, we decided we were just going to take her outside. I should probably say we were both, like, really drunk at this point. [With a little laugh, despite how it makes her wince:] I had to stand guard by their garden while she... took care of it.

[givethemhell]

[NO IT CERTAINLY IS NOT...

Anyway he's also laughing because he's terrible and this is a funny story. RIP in rest, poor garden bathroom soul.]

My! What a noble thing, acting as her guard. I'm sure she was grateful to you for that!

[uncurtained]

[With a small smile:]

I know they always say death, but I think puke is the great equalizer.

[givethemhell]

Well! They do say you don't really know a person until you've had to hold their hair back while they vomit.

[That. Who says that. WHO SAYS THAT.]

[uncurtained]

...Has that been particularly true in your life?

[just wondering!]

[givethemhell]

You know how people can be when they're young! You think you're invincible, tend to overestimate your tolerance...

[So, maybe. Maybe.]