uncurtained | pc catchall for dick (heh) (unpredicktable)

Head stitches, so... [ he squints a bit in thought ] three to five days, usually.

[ so-- not that bad. ]

Okay.

[She nearly repeats the thanks, just because she's still feeling awkward from before and doesn't quite know what to say - but she doesn't think just leaving like she did a little over a week ago is the right move, either. After a few seconds:]

You must be busy.

[ he blinks, a bit ]

Not anymore than anyone else.

...Okay. As long as I'm not holding you up from anything.

[ he lets out a huff ]

You do know I like hanging out with you, right? [ a beat ] I could do without the injuries, but...

[She gives him a small, hesitant smile.]

Right. I’ll make sure to work on that.

You better.

[ ... and, now to address the elephant in the room-- ]

Look, about... earlier.

...Yeah?

[ nope, that's it, that's all he had, he's looking away and rubbing at the back of his neck ]

...

I-- hold myself to a higher standard than I do other people. That's what I meant.

[ that's, y'know, part of addressing the problem, sure, let's go with that. ]

...I mean, yeah, I’ve realized.

[It’s not said harshly, but it’s clear enough she’s waiting for him to go on.]

[ it's definitely a bit like pulling teeth, there. the silence is long and awkward and when he speaks it's a bit stilted ]

And I, I know there wasn't anything I could've done to stop it [ does he. ] but I-- I still did it. She-- She knew I was going to kill her and she basically had to walk me through it.

[ and then she melted. that was fun. ]

...What do you think would have happened if you hadn’t? What happened to her is horrible, but - I don’t think you refusing would have changed anything.

[Which might not be the point, but.]

Yes, I know, me refusing didn't change anything. [ because he had objected, quite loudly, and then he'd realized how futile it was and that he'd never come back from it, and maybe his voice is getting a wee loud now oh boy bad, and he starts to pace as he talks: ] I get it! It didn't matter that I took a vow, it didn't matter that I didn't kill my parents' murderer, didn't touch the guy who murdered my brother or, or any other bad guy because I don't know where I'd start drawing the line, I had to kill her because I was too stupid to realize the reason she'd framed Tamamo is that she'd used her role to protect her so she wouldn't have died from that. And I had no choice in that circle so I shouldn't blame myself, I get it, everyone keeps telling me, but it doesn't work like that!

[ and after all that, dick breathes harshly for a few second before he deflates, sliding down to the floor and covering his face with his hands. ]

... And now I'm taking it out on you. Awesome.

Hey...

[That's a lot!! But regardless, she moves towards him, bending down slightly so she can put a hand on his shoulder.]

It's okay. [The taking it out on her part, at least. The rest... She doesn't quite know where to start addressing that, but:] You aren't stupid. And you... Okay, I shouldn't be telling you how to feel, but - I know you did everything you could.

[ he lets out a slow breath, and when he removes his hands his face looks perfectly blank, mask and all, even as he stares down at the floor. ]

Doesn't feel like it. [ it's said in a detached sort of fashion before he looks back at her ] Look, it doesn't matter. There are-- so many more important things going on than my, my-- my morality crisis.

You would never tell anyone else that their problems aren't important, right? It's like you said - we have plenty of time. And I know you said you hold yourself to a different standard, but...

[She moves her hand from his shoulder to try and grip one of his hands.]

It matters to me, because you matter to me.

[ he lets her, and squeezes her hand back with a hum. he's quiet for a bit, weighing his words. ]

... Thank you. Really. [ for caring? for her words? he's not sure. his smile's a little soft, a little sad. ] But there's not really anything anyone can do about-- this. [ his feelings? himself? he doesn't know. ] Lingering on it isn't helping anyone, least of all me. So I-- I'm trying not to. That's all.

Lingering on it might not be, but I get the feeling talking about it might help?

[Just in general.]

I just don't want you to... bottle stuff up, you know? And - I think you do.

I'm not going to try to deny that. [ it's a bit wry, considering he kind of. bottle exploded at her about two minutes ago. ] But what's there to even say about all this anymore? I, it's like I'm going in circles when I do.

I'm not going to say I can fix it, but...

[She sighs.]

Sometimes even talking about it helps, you know? Just - whatever comes to mind.

Think I said about everything that came to mind at once, about five minutes ago.

[ it's wry and definitely self-deprecating ]

[After a moment:]

...I'm sorry if it seems like I'm pressuring you or anything. I promise I'm not.

[ he sighs, a bit ]

I know. I get it. You're not the first to be worried about me here. ...Not even the first I snapped at, which is-- not a great realization.

[She shakes her head.]

No... It's okay. I shouldn't have pushed that hard, or - tried to tell you how to feel. I would've been annoyed, too.

It's fine, really. I... can get a little defensive.

[ an understatement. ]

pc catchall for dick (heh) (unpredicktable)

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