pc catchall for junpei (crashout)

[uncurtained]

IM PUTTING THE TIMON GIF IN HERE LATER YOU CANT BEAT ME

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[uncurtained]

Carlos, huh?

[crashout]

[He thinks about denying it again, but...well. They're already this far, so.]

I didn't sleep with him, I just asked to suck his dick to do some research. [....maybe he should phrase it better.]

[uncurtained]

[Hm.]

...I'm not here to judge.

[crashout]

[INTERNAL SCREAMING.]

Not. Like that. [He brings a fist to his forehead to just regain his bearings.] ...I heard about the app from a couple of different people, but I wanted to see for myself how it worked and what it could do. So...I asked Carlos to help me because he was the only person I could think of at the time.

...and then he kinda died in a demonic ritual later that night so. Probably not my greatest idea.

[Congrats for unlocking: survivor's guilt!]

[uncurtained]

...Hey.

[She twists a little so she's on her side, propping herself up on her elbow to look at him more easily.]

You know that wasn't your fault, right?

[crashout]

[He drops his hand to turn and face her.]

Yeah. Mostly. [...] You don't think he would've been able to avoid the gift shop if he didn't earn a token? [Just. Plaintively stated.]

[uncurtained]

[A little bit more firmly:]

You couldn't have known what would happen, so that still isn't your fault. It's Polly's fault, not yours.

[crashout]

I know. I know, I know. [There's an unhappy sigh and he frowns to himself.] ...at least he's still...somewhere. So that's better than usual.

[He feels like this has ruined the mood though, so there's a moment before he leans forward to press a kiss to her cheek.]

...thanks.

[uncurtained]

[She offers him a smile.]

You've been through a lot, but - we'll make sure we see him again. [...] Can I ask you something, though?

[crashout]

[He shifts to lay on his own arm, still keeping his eyes on her.]

Considering I kinda lied to you before this, I owe you one. What is it?

[uncurtained]

[She waves a hand.]

You still would have had to do it this week, anyways. So... [Hm.] What's the AB game?

[crashout]

Yeah, well, I was kinda hoping not to ruin my chances at an encore later. [Teasing. Smile, Beck. But then she asks the questions and...naturally, his face crinkles up uncertainly.]

--what?

[uncurtained]

You haven't.

[ :) ]

Sorry, I wasn't trying to pry or anything, just... Um, on your rib cage, it mentioned - something about the AB game.

[crashout]

[Well he might if he keeps talking, truthfully.]

My--what? [Give him a second, he's sitting up and lifting his arm to take a look. Hm. Concern.]

...it's...just something from the Decision Game. Not really a puzzle, but a choice.

[uncurtained]

...You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.

[crashout]

Depends. Are you going to want to talk about why you've been lying about your dad? [A trade for a trade, he thinks. And maybe they can figure out what the hell these mean.]

[uncurtained]

[It's not hard to tell she's surprised, from the way her eyes widen to the momentary pause before she says anything.]

What?

[crashout]

[He reaches forward, hand gentle as he taps the space at her waist where the tattoo is.]

...little weird, isn't it?

[uncurtained]

[Once she looks down and sees what it is, she pauses again, but...]

Can I go first? I know... what this makes me look like.

[crashout]

[He's not moving his hand so there's that.]

If you want to, sure. [He's a little sleepy and distracted, but also this seems important so he's listening.]

cw drug abuse, addiction

[uncurtained]

Yeah. I mean, I don't want you to think I was doing it just because, or - that there wasn't a reason. First off, he, um... He was an addict.

[That's probably the best place to start, even if she's taking a breath as soon as she says it.]

It meant that things were... really bad, a lot of the time while I was growing up. And one day, when I was 12, I was the only one home, and... I went into the basement because I wanted to play a game, and I found him just - laying there. You know, with a needle in his arm, unconscious. But he made it past that, and for a while, we all really thought... It was going to be okay. That he was going to get better. But, sure enough, he started using again, and then he just - left us after he relapsed. And, I decided that to me, he was dead. That he'd died in that room.

[She has to pause and breath in and out to keep her voice even mostly level, but she follows it up with:]

But I shouldn't have told he was literally dead. It's just - easier to think that, which isn't an excuse.

[crashout]

[Well. Yeah, okay, it's not an excuse but there's nothing really in his face that says he can judge her. He's listening and when she pauses his hand moves to tuck a piece of her hair behind her ear. It's probably more openly affectionate than expected, but sometimes people do well with gestures instead of words.

Mostly because what do you even say to that? "I'm sorry" doesn't sound...like...real.]

...a symbolic death is sometimes more real than an actual death anyway. [Just to start that.] Learning that a person you loved and cared about isn't the person that you thought they were is probably one of the worst things to deal with because...you know. You still want to love and care about them, but you can't really be sure if you're loving the real thing or not.

Maybe a lie like that doesn't really hurt anybody because what's the difference if that person's gone anyway?

[uncurtained]

[There’s a look of surprise as he pushes her hair back. Idly, she reaches up to take his hand.]

Yeah. Or that... Even nearly dying wasn’t enough to get him to choose us. That hurts almost as much.

[Anyways.]

Maybe it doesn’t hurt anyone, but I’m not sure it’s right, either.

[crashout]

[Oh. That's fine then.]

That's something only you can really answer, Beck. Right or wrong can be pretty vague and hard to decide on when it comes to something like that. Or maybe I just don't think it's necessarily wrong. People do what they can to protect themselves. Isn't that what survival is?

[uncurtained]

[After a second, she gives his hand a squeeze, offering a smile.]

Thanks. That's sweet of you to say.