uncurtained | pc catchall for wei wuxian (givethemhell)

Make sure you don't forget! I'll clear mine entirely just for the occasion.

[Tragically untrue as his calendar is instead crammed full of Try To Catch That Demon dates.]

Good. Now we're all booked, no getting out of it.

[A little laugh. God is he glad his roommate is no longer fuckin horrified by his presence!]

Consider it a promise! I'll be sure to bring snacks, too.

[Snacks to go with the soup for their flu...]

[As she takes another drink, she pats the space next to her, as if to indicate he can sit down if he wants to.]

Well, now you have to share. What's on the menu for our flu party?

[He'll oblige, pushing himself up from his seat in The Gremlin Corner to come join her up there.]

Let's see, let's see. Some of those cookies and chips, of course - easy to grab, quick to eat. Peanuts from the bar! I'll see if I can get Taako to make us more of those little sandwich things... Ah! And watermelon, of course.

[The sect grows stronger every day...]

[The smile grows a little bit curious, before she asks:]

Okay, I have to know. What's up with the watermelon thing? Like, how did it start?

[He basically fuckin cackles because he thinks this shit is truly hilarious...]

Good question! You see, Grune and I decided to wear matching clothing one day- [That they stole from Higekiri.] -and it reminded me of a cultivation sect. You have to have a little more than matching outfits though, don't you? So we picked something we both had in common!

[A love of watermelon. Cursed.]

We've also decided to open a watermelon farm.

So you're the watermelon sect now. I like it.

[She doesn't laugh quite as loud, but she does smile.]

Good choice. Easily the best melon.

Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Not a single other sect could best us!

[He is literally living out the nightmares of so many cultivators right now...]

Ah, but it's good to know you have fine taste, too. Did you join? Did you? I hope you did!

[Lightly, almost teasing:]

Well, I hadn't heard of it before today... Let's say I'm considering it. Give me your best membership pitch.

My best membership speech...? Absolutely! You'll be the first one I've given a speech to, since Grune handled everything else!

[Somehow, her recruitment tactics were like. Horrifically effective.

He shifts where he sits to face her a little better, arms and hands moving animatedly as he talks, as usual.]

How's this! If you join, you'll have access to our best feature - group melon eating! It's exactly as it sounds. You get to eat melons, but with friends! That way you don't have to round everyone up on your own if you want to start a seed-spitting contest. Food always tastes better with more people, too! And you'll have a spot on our farm, once we actually have a farm. It'll be big and lovely! We'll fit all the melons we could ever eat there! We can harvest the sweetest ones for dessert every night and roll the fattest one down a hillside for fun.

You're going to roll the biggest one down a hill? Well, that's just poor business management. Offer declined, no watermelons for me.

[She can't quite make it through without laughing.]

[He just GASPS IN MOCK HORROR, placing a hand against his chest like he's about to have a damn heart attack.]

No...! It can't be—! The first rejection and it goes directly to me! I'll never be able to face Grune again. I'm going into seclusion right now.

[As he just

proceeds to not move, except to fish a bag of chips out from one of the couch cushions. At least it's unopened.]

[...]

I may be willing to reconsider if you're sharing those chips.

[Pulling the bag open and holding it out for her!]

Lucky for you, I can afford to be extra generous before I become a mountain hermit!

[Again.]

Tragic.

[She takes one, popping it in her mouth.]

Hm... These are pretty good. Maybe I'll join the Tostitos sect instead.

[betrayal]

[WHY DOES HE CONTINUE BEING HIT BY THESE BETRAYALS.]

After the generosity I've shown!? The worst! Terrible! I've never been so crushed in all my life...!

[Spoken as though she's giving him a great compromise, here:]

Okay, okay, I'll join. My only terms are getting to share your drinks.

[The ones he already gets for free. Such a high price!!]

[There's a long, drawn out "HMMM..." as he gives this some Very Serious Consideration...

And finally sticks his free hand out toward her.]

Very well! I find those terms amenable. You have yourself a deal!

[With a laugh, she reaches out to shake his hand.]

I look forward to our partnership, good sir.

[Now she's made a deal with the devil. CONGRATS, BECK.]

Wonderful! The sect will be more than happy to have you on board. We don't have matching outfits for everyone just yet, but we do have plenty of melons leftover!

This doesn't seem like the kind of place where you can easily mass produce uniforms.

[But she'll look forward to the watermelons.]

Perhaps we'll get fortunate and that's what they'll have behind one of these locked doors! A room full of uniforms just for us.

[Terrible.]

[She laughs, brushing a hair back.]

Wow, you figured out the mystery of this place. They were just waiting for the watermelon sect to arrive.

Good thing we've arrived, in that case! We'll be able to arrange a great toast. Ah, maybe we'll find our farm, too?

[There's just a wholeass farm locked away on this ship.]

pc catchall for wei wuxian (givethemhell)

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