uncurtained | pc catchall for dick (heh) (unpredicktable)

...Yeah.

[She pauses and takes a breath, brushing a strand of hair out of her face.]

You know, it's... [She almost says funny, but catches herself.] When I was growing up, with my dad the way he was, most of the time I was scared. But it's kind of like - I got used to it after a while, you know? But then he left us, and I went to college and made new friends who didn't know about him, and... You know, I think in that span of time, I'd forgotten what it was like to get used to being scared all the time. But - now here we are. I guess I'm getting used to it again.

[ ... dick puts a hand on her shoulder, face a little grim. ]

Not a good feeling?

[ it's an understatement but. he's not sure what to say to comfort her. it's normal to be scared in this place. ]

No, I didn't mean to...

[Her eye blinks as she shakes her head.]

I'm just saying that... It's weird. I don't know. I feel like I should be more upset, or - not that I'm not upset. It's just that it feels different then it did when people started dying. [...] That probably sounds horrible.

[ ah. dick squeezes her shoulder a bit and nods in understanding, a sad smile on his face ]

It does sound good, but... it's normal. The human psyche has a pretty good capacity to adapt to trauma. Means repeated exposure makes it... less awful, after a while. Expected.

[She nods, but after a moment—]

Sorry. I'm not trying to, like, unload on you. There are probably ten people I can name offhand who need a shoulder more than me.

Hey. How many times have I told you you can talk to me about anything you need to?

[ there is no hypocrisy in this thread ]

...I'm just tired of feeling like I can't do anything, I guess. Or - that the things I do don't matter.

[She gives a smile, even if it's not happy.]

But I'm willing to be that's not just a me problem.

... It's not.

[ the look on his face implies it's a feeling he's intimately familiar with. though-- hm ]

The CDs this week... were they yours, or Zero's?

Zero's. I got one, too.

[She looks his way, though, curious about where he's going.]

[ he shakes his head ]

Just thinking. All of us with roles... We're supposed to be able to do more, but I think most of us have been feeling pretty useless this whole time.

[She sighs, nodding.]

But, I mean... Not to discount that on your end or anything, but yours is a net positive, right? Nothing bad could happen with more information.

[ ... dick shifts his weight with a hum and then shrugs ]

Doesn't feel like I've learned anything with the information I've gotten. But yeah, I guess.

It has to add up to something. Maybe it won't be clear what just yet, but...

[There's another small pause.]

But that probably doesn't help that feeling, does it?

[ he smiles a little, but it's a bit humorless ]

Nope. Like I said... I think it's a feeling a lot of us share. Rational or not.

[After a moment:]

It'll be nice once all of this is over, won't it?

So nice, I may never step onto a boat again.

[She hesitates for a longer moment, but:]

You really think we'll make it out of here?

[ ... he looks at her, expression serious ]

I do.

...Sorry. I mean, not that you think we will - that’s a good thing, not something to be sorry about. Just, sorry I asked. Obviously we will.

You don't have to apologize. [ he's obviously trying not to look amused ] It's okay to be scared or have doubts, you know. But if it's a choice between believing we will or not? I know what I'm picking.

[She considers that for a moment, tilting her head.]

You think believing in something is a choice?

[ he pauses ]

... Yeah. I do. Think it's one people make every day.

...I like that. I mean - it's a nice idea.

[ he smiles back at her, a little ]

You've never thought of it that way?

I've always thought it was more, like, a gut feeling.

pc catchall for dick (heh) (unpredicktable)

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